I enjoy watching movies when I'm high. As 'The Dark Knight' came close to theaters I decided to watch Tim Burton's 'Batman Returns' to hype my anticipation. What a waste of a Joint that was. This movie made me almost fall asleep. It was just too boring. As a loyal fan to the comics I absolutely refuse to believe that was the Penguin on screen. Killer Croc is more like it. Burton's version of the Penguin consist of a sewer mutant deformed freak who was raised and yes - educated by NAZI penguins with Rocket Launchers on his back. After the Penguins changing his diapers, feeding him and teaching him how to talk proper English grammar he rises from the Sewer to try and become Mayor of Gotham City. Sounds like a comedy? it's not. it's a movie that tries too hard to be serious. Things only get worst when Selina Kyle falls to her death out of a window and becomes the menacing 'Catwoman' after being half aten by Cats. It takes at least 20 minutes in between takes to see the hero of the story (Batman - In case you were wondering). This movie doesn't really have much of a plot. If you want to see it I'm not going to stop you. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Ever wonder why Burton was fired from the Batfilms? Watch this cinematic abortion. A penguin that drips chocolate syrup out his nose and eats raw fish. A "circus gang" that's campier than anything Adam West ever conceived of. A poodle lady and a batarang fetching poodle. Is Batman in this? Oh yeah, for like two seconds. Except this Batman is the worst hand to hand fighter in history...so he has to stick bombs down fat guys pants. An overly bizarre, pretentious script and storyline...that has no reason to be pretentious because it's about the most convoluted piece of hack-dom ever.

Michele Pfeiffer and the score were good...but not enough to save this movie. Keaton's sullen, middle-aged, nerdy Bruce Wayne is awful. At least Schumacher gives us a millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne, and a Batman that can fight in the follow up to Burton/Keaton's garbage film. Well, at lease I think it's garbage. If you like ridiculous puppet-Penguin pallbearers...yes, puppet penguin pallbearers...you might think this the greatest thing ever made.

Goodness me! I've never seen anything more grotesque than this aberration of a movie. They should have called it Penguin's Hour rather than Batman Returns. If Burton was trying to force people into vomiting, he could not have done a better job. An army of penguins with machine guns, o please! A sexually frustrated woman who is pushed out of a window, dies, is revived by cats and then becomes a maniac terrorist with no purpose or aim but being not just evil but incredibly annoying. Batman hardly ever appears and when he does, he makes no better impression than the revolting villains who are no better than sewerage rats.

It is beyond a doubt the worst movie ever made and should have been long forgotten and put into the same category as a cheap, nasty, horror and plot less freak. Don't wast your precious time with this piece of trash. I give this film one star because I am not allowed to give none.